- Big Pimpin

Big Pimpin

3:19 AM, 10.6.2007 .. 8 comments .. Link

So. Some of you may remember that my job requires me to act smart. And I fake it pretty well. The trick to faking is to say…everything with confidence. I could whip out a mouthful of made up stats, and if I say it just the right way, confidence oozing, you'd buy it. Now I fake it pretty good, but it is what it is…faking.

Lately I've been pitching in as an alternate for our big presenter dude since his 3rd/4th qtr calendar is so full. So if there's a small breakout or a concurrent session that he's unable to do, I'll…fake that a bit in his absence.

Its not too hard, as its typically a deck I actually helped put together, or developed the research behind it…or a deck I've seen him present 1 of the 9000 times I've seen him present.

So, couple of weeks ago, they asked me to pitch in Miami this week, as our fasttalkin dudeness was unavailable, and I said…"sure. No biggie" - as I thought it was a quick breakout in the middle of a bunch of sessions going on at once. This means 15-20 people max in the room, where I have no problem saying a whole lot of nothing with a smile.

Last Friday, I receive an IM from the Director of the event, simply stating "J – your concurrent is now a General Session keynote, and your topic is no longer x, but y."

Um. I'm sorry…what?

I got nothing. I got a nice rack, but trust me when I tell you that in this case…that truly does amount to nothin. Following that IM, I proceed all week to receive voicemails, im's and emails, indicating sentiments such as "J, saw your name on the agenda…awesome…looking forward to it!" and "Oh j, your session is going to rock! Can't wait to see your packed room!" etc, etc.

I ain't gonna lie BP's, I'm a bit overwhelmed and frankly scared shitless. A general session: attendees, my customers, my peers. On a topic I'm currently taking a break from cramming down my throat in the next 48 hours.

So Sunday night, think of me, and hope that I don't darth vadar out on the mic or that my pants don’t split.

Be back Tuesday in hopes to catch up on more vlogs…heidi and sin twister, so adored yours, and jbrit, looking forward to your bday debauchery caught on tape by your lovely other half…

Ta ta…send good wishes peeps.

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4:09 AM, 10.6.2007 .. Posted by sladewilson
When does a nice rack constitute nothing? WTF? I mean, serious boobage? And nothin'? Who are these people and where can I find them to kill them - esp. the males?

Honey, Pamela Anderson made a living on a nice rack. She spouts absolute jibberish on a daily basis and fucks b-listers. Lindsay Lohan - another loser but got a nice rack and that makes all the difference in the universe.

And you have fakeology skill! That is a gift. Not many people have the gift of sweet-smellin' bullshit. Combined with a nice rack - you should be rackin' up points like Jordan vs a bunch of 5th graders.

I wish you luck but better still some advice. Mi-A-Mi did you say? Hmmmm...

Rock & Republic jeans.
Heels. Black with the crimson on the bottom.
Black v-neck shirt.
and above all else - find this place:
http://nymag.com/listings/stores/lai...na_jane02/

Lania Jane. Best bras in NY. Tell them your plight. They'll hook you up.

Then work that voodoo you do so well. And if that don't work - get the attendance sheet. I'll come out of retirement for this.

Don't appreciate a nice rack... I bet they'll appreciate that bullet right between their beady little eyes...

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6:58 AM, 10.6.2007 .. Posted by heidiland
I am a big believer in the Nice Rack/Great Smile/Ability to Bullshit plan. Always nice to hear of another devotee. I practice it every day.

I know you can do this! Tap into your mystical Neenja Powers if all else fails. I'll do a little ceremonial brick dance for you to send you good mojo. It's... what I do.

EclectaComment

1:49 PM, 10.6.2007 .. Posted by Eclectablog
Neen, neen, neen...Your rack will NEVER amount to nuthin', my dear, trust me on this.

Seriously, though. These are the moments in life that are like little gifts out of the ether. This could be a GREAT opportunity for you. The worst thing that could happen is that you don't completely nail it and you'll look human. The best thing that could happen is that it could advance your career. So you have little to lose and a LOT to gain.

Congrats and best wishes. I know you're gonna nail it just fine. I know this.

c.

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2:45 PM, 10.6.2007 .. Posted by bitzky
You will do just fine because you ARE that good!

...

11:19 AM, 10.7.2007 .. Posted by jeremy
You'll do fine, if you have an affinity for that stuff anyhow, then it's like running 6 miles instead of your usual 5. Even if it's like 10, then you might find it difficult, but at least you got the basic equipment :) and stamina.
I am not cut out for that stuff. One of my worst moments was having to present a new software product to a room of 50 or so slightly hostile investors. It was frightful because I just have no affinity for doing that stuff - at all - but I got through it somehow. You'll be way fine,.

EclectaComment

11:50 AM, 10.8.2007 .. Posted by Eclectablog
I'm a sick fuck: I actually ENJOY giving presentations in front of large groups of people. Kinda like those coddled, narcissistic praise junkies talked about on Luke's blog! LOL!

c. (attention whore)

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11:02 PM, 10.9.2007 .. Posted by ben
I have no doubt that despite your trepidation that you rocked that beeyotch.

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11:53 AM, 10.11.2007 .. Posted by Squilla
Having only very recently discovered the ability to bullshit like a male cow on curry; I say GO NEEN GO! You know you can do it! YEH! :D

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